Beauty for Ashes | Rescued from Sexual Abuse and Trauma

Beauty for Ashes | How Jesus Christ  Rescued Me from a Living Hell  

Beauty for Ashes

'To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.' Isaiah 61:3

  • Demonic attacks during the night never really fully comprehending what had happened to me when I woke up, but would see the physical effects - feeling like I had been through a war
  • Being awake and feeling the physical effects of demons pressing up against my body, holding me in a tight grip and pushing into my back and other parts of my body
  • Something sitting on my chest, unable to move - paralysis of some kind
  • Feeling like I was being choked in the night, unable to breathe
  • Seeing big snake head in my window
  • Dark dreams so vivid that I felt I was in them and experiencing every part, waking up traumatised
  • Seeing demonic vile images in the day and night
  • Demons speaking to me telling me to do things, even when I was doing normal day to day activities (working, watching tv)
  • Evil standing next to my bed in the night
  • Seeing corpse of dead loved ones in my bedroom
  • Hearing voices telling me I was dirty, defiled, worthless, only good for one thing, a whore, wretched, never would be clean
  • Feeling like I was being watched all the time
  • I would 'see' an enormous black demonic being prowling around my apartment, watching me
  • Being silenced when I wanted to pray
  • I would say things in some weird language - sounded horrible and demonic
  • Demons would speak through me
  • I would 'see' a witch and hear screaming
  • Questioned my sanity - was all this real or my imagination
  • I would see spiders in my car that others could not see
  • Witchcraft - in my family line
  • I would hear noises, like rustling sounds
  • Lights going off unexpectedly
  • Years of sleeplessness
  • Feeling absent from those around me - disconnected, spaced feeling
  • Gaps in memory - not remembering conversations or where I had been, or what had happened to me, surreal
  • My own home felt like a prison, there was no escape
  • I was fearful of everything, even of myself, it was overwhelming
  • Years of depression and anxiety - tried counselling, Christian counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy, psychiatrist, psychologist.
  •  A dark cloud followed me everywhere, there was no light in my world, only darkness
  • Something entered me when I was 10 and my face physically changed - the devil robbed me of how the Lord created me    
  • I hated the mirror, I hated the image looking back at me, I wanted to scratch and tear it apart - it was disgusting
  • I could not eat normally, would be sick all the time
  • Raped as a child, no justice, those events I believe were the catalyst to a life run by the devil
  • Relationships - no one would ever love someone like me
  • Robbed of my purity through abuse, the one thing I treasured the most
  • Stole my education
  • Had to run away from home
  • Fearful of men
  • Grief-stricken for a lifetime, I would see a dark black horse with the dark rider all the time.
  •  Guilt that held me captive
  • Shame - there was no one to tell the pain in the deepest recesses of my heart
  • Injustice - did anyone actually even care
  • I did not know what love was - so called 'love' equated to pain in my world
  • A lifetime of loneliness
  • Unworthiness
  • Suicidal - that was the best option for me
  • Deep sorrow and sadness
  • Emptiness
  • I had no idea who I was - people and situations defined me, I would try to be whoever people wanted me to be, or expected me to be
  • I could not express my feelings or emotions - was better to remain quiet as it felt like a safe place
  • No peace
  • No desires for anything in life
  • I could not be around people, the isolation was unreal
  • Evil people controlled me, they had a stake in my life


  • I sleep and have dreams of the things of Glory - the unseen beautiful things, after all He did say He would show me great and mighty things that I do not know. There is more - where I have spent a lifetime seeing dark, I know He will show me more treasures - the things of glory I read about every day
  • A dark cloud doesn't follow me - goodness and mercy do
  • I can talk - the devil does not have my tongue and I will sing and shout His praises all the days of my life
  • I have a job with much favour, where the devil tried to hinder me by taking away my education
  • I want to live and I have hope - I have NO desire to cut my life short - He has given me hope and a future
  • He restored to me purity and made all things brand new - I am not defiled
  • I am not ashamed - He clothed me with robes of righteousness
  • No evil speaks through me - I speak words of life, because the Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue to know the word that sustains the weary
  • I have ministries that rescue people like me from the clutches of the evil one, pulling them out one by one.
  •  I am no longer lonely, the greater one lives in me, I have resurrection power on the inside of me
  • The only voice I hear now is that of the Great Shepherd of the sheep
  • Love - came running after me! I am experiencing love from my Abba, Father - one which I will perhaps never be able to describe - I don't fully comprehend it, I mean it's not like a love I've ever known
  • I get to love others - what a privilege, I was once that unloved person, until He found me
  • I know who I am now and my purpose
  • I have justice - He is my vindicator
  • I don't fear - I only fear Him
  • I walk freely, no controls from evil people
  • I'm not empty anymore - He fills my life with good things
  • I'm learning how to buy things for me because I have worth now, I deserve good things
  • I don't see dark things, Jesus gave me new eyes, new vision - everything looks vibrant and sparkly
  • I can stand in an assembly and declare the works and goodness of the Lord in the land of the living - I cannot be silent
  • Jesus is showing me and has given me life - what it means to truly live and be free. I am still taking in this new found freedom and life, but all I know is, my Redeemer lives.

Beauty for Ashes

'To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

If you are or have been in a very dark place. Please contact us. Also, a good place to start is with repentance.

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